YOU KNOW YOUR LIFE IS GETTING BAD WHEN...

A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

You take an assertiveness training course
and you're afraid to tell your wife.

The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft.

You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment.

Your children's school calls to surrender.

The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice.

Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map.

Your plants do better when you _don't_ talk to them.

Someone gives you a wedgie and it DOESN'T HURT!

All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists.

Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection, plastic.

You put your bra on backwards and it fits BETTER!

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